NUCLEAR REACTOR

This is not a geeky, nerdy post....am not in the same geographical map as nerd. I was wondering about how a nuclear reactor has perfect analogy to my life right now. My role....is definitely that of a moderator. 

I came to Chennai on the 7th Feb technically (at arnd 0100 hrs). My stay here so far has been a total roller coaster ride. No, am not complaining. It has been a drastic change, a total phase shift of 180 degrees, from what it was in Delhi---unhappening, slow, dragging! So many things are happening at such a jet speed, that it sometimes chokes me. It is one of those not-very-smooth-phases of life here for my people at home. There have been troubles, ghosts from the past haunting, avoidable arguments, tears. And I am not the mute spectator, am the cadmium rod. 

I have always loved and looked forward to living with my people in Chennai. This is more like my second home. Things are always on the move, and there is always something to learn everyday. Tersely, I love being here. And I would be a totally ungrateful, blithe human being, if I don't lend a shoulder when it is definitely needed. Sparks have been flying from all corners. Heated discussions always end up in a broken heart or a hurt one. Heights of helplessness are reached and tears let out all the hurt and hatred. Gosh!! There IS so much happening. 

Amidst this emotional quagmire, where everyone is caught, I am one person, standing tall. No, am not glorifying myself or detaching myself from any of the things. I am one person who is not judgemental or conclusive about anybody or anything. Just like the boron / cadmium rod absorbs the excess neutrons to prevent uncontrolled fission from taking place, I am trying hard to provide a cushioning effect. In my presence, things are at abeyance, they can't turn monstrous. It's like, am absorbing the feelings and rays of everyone and thereby preventing them from getting any worse. This is what am best at....a patient listener, and sometimes a vent out for pent up emotions. 

Am not callous, am not indifferent. It's just that I care and I love everyone here. This transient bad time will surely go away. I am from the old school of thought which says, "Everything's gonna be alright." Undying optimism, eh????

I HAVE

1. sipped red wine.
2. had more than 20 crushes.
3. changed a baby's diapers.
4. done deep sea snorkelling.
5. stealthily grown a pup.
6. had food-fights.
7. been hit badly (by friends at hostel, AND almost...in college)
8. smoked.
9. seen dolphins flip in the sea.
10. ridden a horse, and a yak too!
11. felt deja vu.
12. fallen in, and out, of love.
13. a memory good enough to remember my friends' bdays!
14. held a rabbit by its ears.
15. climbed trees.
16. wet my bed (when I was young!).
17. seen a comet, and meteorites too!!!
18. had amazing friends.
19. forged my mum's signature (Da's scrawny- can't understand what he signs!)
20. slept for 20 hours at a stretch.
21. travelled ticketless on a bus.
22. broken glasses in a restaurant.
23. dyed my hair (Burgundy rocks!).
24. partyed late into night.
25. seen a blue film.
26. cooked Maggi in wee hours to satisfy my taste buds.
27. had snow fights.
28. slapped my sister.
29. cheated in exams.
30. taught an iliterate girl
31. travelled in a lorry.
32. read all books by Sidney Sheldon
33. had my appendix removed.
34. used an alias.
35. trekked.
36. been hospitalized more that 5 times.
37. won a prize in a Newspaper competition.
38. loved someone more than I love(d) myself.
39. eaten things whose name i can't pronounce.
40. baked a cake.
41. listened to the same song, all day long.
42. slept during classes.
43. flunked in tests.
44. eaten non-vegetarian food (by mistake, albeit)
45. held a new born baby.

The Latent Me

The third day of the new year....am sitting inside my home in Delhi, with over 3 layers of clothes, teeth chattering! Hands and feet are numb, wish I could say the same about my heart too! The fact is, it hasn't registered till now that am gonna go for good...
Am leaving for Chennai on the 5th. Nothing new or big about that, just that, if this time i leave, i won't be back! Technically i must be sad and brooding about the fact that am going away...practically, am feeling nothing at all. Conclusion--the cold weather has made me cold too! Ahh no, do not doubt my humane side! Just that, sitting idle for over 8 months and now this biting cold has taken its toll on me. All that goes inside me mind is "Run Shyamala! Run". Yeah yeah, am an escapee only. But please, i prefer that tag to sitting here and letting the blood freeze in my veins.
Ok. Am exaggerating now. But man! It is C.O.L.D. Cold enough for a person who has become accustomed to the maritime climate for 6 years! New year calls for a new life, a new beginning. I am going in search of the new beginning too! The "Leading MNC" which has promised me a job is tugging at my heart strings, by delaying the joining date. I see this as a SIGN-maybe am not made to sit in a small cubicle and code my asses off! The quest has begin now... will let you know for sure when i hit across it!!